It's been a while since I last wrote, but I do feel my passion for writing remains lit, however, the time to do so has dwindled. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and decided I want to spend some time documenting this current "parenting stage" in our life.
Raising three teens has been tough and rewarding all at once. The intellect and conversations had with the kids have presented both moments of blessings and snap-shots of challenges. Allowing them to have a say in their life choices, yet holding the bar and expectations high enough to continue to guide morals and values are adhered to along the way, with discussions as to the whys and how what we do affects not only ourselves, but others as well. Allowing them to experience autonomy, while still expressing the fact that we are a family unit and each member must also obtain the connection of dependency on one another, and realize the connection of choices affect other members of the family unit in a positive, negative, or possibly neutral way, is an ongoing message.
Reality of getting the First Day of School Teen picture
Edited for a nicer "post-worthy" version ***Reality check: Put on masks before entering bus. COVID-19***
Most recently, the discussion on returning to Mass during COVID has come up. The Archdiocese of Milwaukee is lifting the dispensary and expecting families to return to the physical building. Sounds like an easy fix to just get up and head back, but we are not only fighting the fear of the pandemic, but the laisse-faire of being used to not going any more. Kids are back to working Sunday brunches, wanting to sleep in for at least one day after an exhausting week two of in-person school after a 6-month hiatus of virtual learning and summer combined, etc. We are fighting the mindset of what is necessary to maintain a connection to our faith vs. what is comfortable and convenient. We all have different ideas of what this truly means. I have no doubt my children maintain faith for God, but the sacrificial part of giving up "me time" for "God time" is something we continue to navigate as a family. Push too hard and it will steer them away; fall into a pattern of dismissal to the need for Mass and the importance of attending becomes less and less important; the value and reasoning behind attending Mass diminishing each time we do not put it at the forefront.
My goal, truly, is to bring our children to the threshold of the "doorstep" of Confirmation and allow them to decide, on their own, at which point, they can follow-through in the finalization of their Catechizes (or not) into the Catholic Church. I pray they choose the later.
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The kids wanted to sleep in... I honored this and woke them up around 8:30am,
letting them know the oven was preheating for breakfast,
which was going in in ten minutes and would be on the table in ~45 minutes. |
This morning, I set the stage with food for the body, knowing this is necessary to move onto food for the soul. We ate breakfast and I utilized the online link recording of Mass with Fr. Patrick my father sent me and we sat down as a family for virtual mass. It was not perfect, with our oldest in the middle of making hot cocoa prior to sitting down, the dogs needing to be let out midway through, and I being the only one going around to give hugs for peace and responding out loud, but it was what it was. We were all there. We were all "present." We all heard the Word of the Lord and listened to the message of forgiveness. For this, I am thankful. (It turns out, I found out afterwards, that one of the reasons for lack of response was that the request was made for the common prayers and responses being printed... something to improve the virtual mass experience in the future.)
That's all we can truly do is "set the scene" and let our children know the importance of setting aside time for the Lord. Today, my husband and I did just that. Raising teens, as my parents have reiterated to me over and over again, is not an easy feat. But we try, and we will continue to do so. We also need to remember that they are not in the same place we are. They may not find value or importance in the very same things we do, but we can lead by example and reinforce and encourage when they make choices that are in alignment to leading a Christ-driven life.
As I dropped Noah off at work, shortly after our family's attendance at the virtual mass, I simply thanked him for allowing that to happen and for him joining us without rebuke. I let him know I'd like to get back in the habit of attending Mass because I believe it is important and I am thankful for the rest of the family joining. Some day, I am hopeful we will return to church in person, but, for now, the two or three (plus two) gathering in His name will serve as initial steps back to the Church.
I then made my way to St. Peter's Church to pick up the Catechism materials I will need for this upcoming Wednesday, a way to stay active in the church and reengage our family for the upcoming 2020-2021 school year of religious ed classes. I had the opportunity to speak with Eileen Belongea, the church's current Director of Youth Ministeries. She patiently listened to my concerns and frustrations, assuring me that the continuation of guidance and modeling of my walk with Christ to the kids will, some day, pay off. It was the very conversation I needed to refill my batteries as well, to be truthful. Though she wasn't expecting me, she set aside time to go over the format of leading the middle school small groups (as I had only subbed at St. Peter's up until now), and for that I am grateful. She also mentioned living with her sister and her family, witnessing the stages of waxing and waning of teenage engagement and verified I am not alone in the scenarios I described. When I got home, I apologized for being gone longer than expected and thanked my husband for his patience with me and allowing me to do what I felt I needed to do, explaining how the talk with Eileen truly helped me continue to process my mission as a parent in the Catholic faith.
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A few weeks ago, with the encouragement from my parents to visit an old friend's parents, I brought Lucille with me, our then 12 23/24 year-old. ;) Though she wasn't thrilled with the fact she was heading home with me and stopping for a visit with people she barely knew, the kindness and hospitality we were given, in addition to the obvious joy our visit was met with, I believe, really reinforced the idea of putting others before ourselves and reaping the reward of seeing the joy overflow in the sparkling eyes of the recipients of our visit. We talked about it briefly in the car on the remainder of the ride home. I wasn't sure of the impact it had on her until she wrote up a summary of how her "faith in action" helped her. Lucille writes, "She showed us her big Mary stature and it was nice for them because they said they don't get out that much and they enjoyed seeing us."
I reflected on all the visits my mother and father made to old neighbors and how often times I rolled my eyes with a "do we have to?" or "how long?" However, I also remember the time and energy I spent in connecting personally to a few of those old neighbors of my mother's in the Waukesha area, one, in particular, speaking to in simplistic "alphabet" sign language and learning a song I proudly sang to him in signs... those visits I once despised were stepping stones in showing me the importance of servitude and giving of self to spend quality time with others. It also reminded me of the time a year or two back when our son, Gabriel, surprisingly announced he was coming with me to visit the neighbor. What I've learned is to give them the opportunity to feel the value in visiting others who need it and experience the reciprocated joy and elation when we show up via the host, reinforcing the idea of being fully "present" for those who need an extra visit. The only way we can show them the importance of being Christ's hands and feet is to give them numerous opportunities to do so, so they can experience, for themselves, the importance of connection and giving of self to our fellow brothers and sisters who are in need of our attention.
To all other parents of teenagers... Be patient. Lead by example. And continue "fighting the Good fight." Some day, we shall see the fruit of our labor. HANG IN THERE!!!
PS Shortly before I finished up this Blog entry, Lucille came into the room my husband and I were in and delivered a piece of lemon cake she freshly made, letting us know, when we were done, to just call her for collection of our plates. #CounttheBlessings
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