Adults Should Know Better Than That

Here we are in the Christian bookstore, looking for something to buy my nephew for his First Holy Communion.  Lucy and I are shopping and I am giving her constant reminders about how she is not to touch anything unless she's buying it.  (I, on the other hand, am touching everything, not certain whether I will buy ANY of the items either... good example-setter, but oh well. :) ) 

Lucy begins to examine a crucifix and notes the thorns on Jesus' head as she talks to herself.  Suddenly, she looks up and states,  "There were mean people who took Jesus and put him in jail, then nailed him to the cross... They were adults, Mom, right?  Well, adults should know better than that... right, Mom?" 

I love the logic this little one is going through.  My only wish would be that the logic begins to seep into her own every day activities! :)

It's so obvious to most children between what is right and what is wrong, yet temptation is always there to tempt us to deviate from God's plan.  If only the world was run through a child's eyes of clarity.  Jealously, ignorance, and arrogance seem to cloud our judgment.  Life is logical: give and you shall receive, repay kindness with kindness, live every day as if it were your last, etc.  Wish it were that easy...

As adults, we need to return to our elementary school sandboxes and remember what we once learned. Reminds me of the book, "All I Really Needed to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten."

On that note, I'll leave you with Robert Fulghum's words of wisdom...

Here's a few ideas we need to reconsider as adults:

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

[Source: "ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum. See his web site at http://www.robertfulghum.com/ ]

Rhetorical Parenting 101

Today, I was planning on writing about Gabriel or Noah, whichever one inspired my writing more today to let you "meet" them as you now have a glimpse at Lucille.  The truth of the matter is, I am a little flustered by choices my wonderful children are making, so I have chosen, instead, to consider a list of phrases/strategies that have worked with them in the past, in hopes I will gain motivation to foil their master plans throughout the rest of the day.

So far, we have went to the library for story time, completed a craft, and went to the dentist.  All morning was about them.  Now that I am not feeding them or entertaining them, they are bored. 

Here's the scene: multiple games are out on the "game table" Gabriel created.  Checkers, tic-tac-toe, bingo, and some other Diego game that comes in this ingenious 1,000+ piece game pack that I some how thought was a great idea to keep them entertained and decided to buy.  Tumble Tree Timbers and Lincoln Logs create a wooden carpet of sorts at their feet.

How did this all happen within the past 15 minutes?!  Easy, I went to order their live caterpillars for their Butterfly Garden that we bought them for Easter, then figured out I needed to look at school/family calendars lined up to account for the feeding, hatching, and releasing stages (not to mention verifying the temps are "seasonal" for a safe release just before our summer camping trip).  This all took time.  Just prior to me leaving the room, they were complaining they were "bored" and turned the TV on. I turned it off and suggested they build a Lincoln Log village.  Then I went to the other room to order the butterflies...
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Here's some phrases I am going to begin using more often in situations like this:

In this house, we are done with the phrase: "I'm still playing with it."  I will no longer accept this phrase in our house unless I can visually SEE you "still playing" with it.  (This is a long one, I think I will put it on a note card to be most effective in the department of consistency.)

Technology turned off, brains turned on.

Pick up the pillows and put them back on the couch. (broken record approach?)

Is that how we play with that? (works for all toys: ex. baby pack 'n play that is tipped on its side and being used as a "crutch" to walk around the room)
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Tying into that last question, I think I am going to go the rhetorical route on parenting and just ask a lot of questions they know (or can easily figure out the answer to by looking me in the eye) vs. me just telling them the answer.  That seems to be the most effective at this point.

Let's give it a try:

Is that a good idea?  (Is that safe?)

Do you want desert? (used for when they are not eating)

Who would like to help Mom with ________? (default to an imperative statement if question does not engage a response)

Is there a reason you aren't wearing your coat? (change into an imperative statement if question does not engage a response)
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Okay, this could work... I already find myself doing this and the questions seem to lead to more action and ownership on their part than me just telling them to do something.

HEY!  This could also work on a higher-level thinking activity on inferencing (teacher in me coming out):

Ex. Noah, in the store the other day, asked me if they could attend the Easter Egg Hunt at Sendiks.  He asked me over and over again, "Can we please? Please, Mom?  Can we go? Can we?"  After a long da,y and then having to grocery shop with the three of them, I responded in the best motherly way I knew how, "Ask me again..."  Guess what, he never did ask me again, just smirked at me in understanding that it would be best not to do that.  Love that he is becoming a master of prediction!

Okay, take a deep breathe.  The Family Room is now clean once again, the kids took a 10 minute swinging session outside and are now back in to destroy the room once again.  Time for some redirection.     I've had my break for "venting", now we're back it...

Junior Monopoly here we come! 

 

Meet Lucille

My very first day of blogging.  I have decided to notably dedicate this blog  entry to my persnickety daughter, Lucy, in recognition of her eating habits and randomness.  She is the epitome of our life.  Crazy and wonderful.  My family says she's a mini-me.  As frustrated as I get with her, I can see their reasoning.

Let's start with this morning... (yes, I like ellipses, get used to it!) Being Spring break, we are taking it easy for breakfast/lunch meals and playing hard all day.  This morning were the Chocolate Pop Tarts I despise and my children love, along with the "healthy" egg of their choice, followed by a glass of milk to pull in the dairy.  Noah opted for boiled and Gabriel and Lucille for scrambled.  A half hour after everyone is done eating, guess who I am still trying to compromise with about eating everything on her plate?


Her eating habits are one of the many reasons we butt heads.  She just DOES NOT want to eat, unless she's in the mood.  The sad thing is, I GET this.  Eating wastes time.  It cuts into play.  Simple enough.  Except I'm a mother now and she IS going to eat what she is served, regardless of how she is a reflection of me at her age.  My four-and-a-half year old drama princess once had an argument about this with me and it didn't end well for her. 


Here's the snippet:

Me: Lucy, you need to eat everything on your plate.
Lucille (head tilt engaged): Dad said I only have to eat the toast.
Me: Well, MOM, says you have to eat everything, and Mom wins.
Lucille (without missing a beat, head still tilted, one hand now on right hip): Dad's older.
Me (thinking, GOOD ONE...you got me this time): You will eat everything NOW because Mom's the boss.
(turn around and heading out of room momentarily to collect myself so she doesn't see my weakness to humor)
Me (returning): Now eat.

Ahhhhhhhh... this is Lucille in a nut shell. 

I found her "carrot!"  I took out the phone to pretend to take a picture and simply told her to eat.  She rushed for the fork and began eating! (She actually posed for the above picture.)  She did end up finishing her meal shortly after I let her pose for this picture (and the next).  In fact, she finished her meal with a new sense of gusto. 

 

Moral:

            Roll in the permission to be dramatic and everything works out in "Lucy's World," making Mom a happy camper, too.